This was my day on Twitter:

(cc) 2008 Christine Taylor — This cartoon is released under a Creative Commons License. You’re free to share this cartoon or post it on your site–just please link to mousewords.net and credit me for it.
Credit for the original Fail Whale illustration goes to: @yiyinglu of www.whatisfailwhale.info. Check out her site!

Time: 1996. Place: Tinley Park, Illinois. St. George Catholic Church was doing a renovation, which would include a new, 10-foot-tall stained glass window in the children’s area. My parents donated two windows–the children’s window and a crescent-shaped etched glass window. I was picked to do the design for the etched glass window (one of my first public speaking experiences, giving that presentation to the committee…nervous? Naaaahhhh….) and chose to donate my services.

The window was to depict Christ standing with His arms outstreched, welcoming the viewer. How to draw the Lord? That was a challenge, an awesome one. We always think of Him as a “carpenter.” I did some research, and discovered that the original Greek word we translate as “carpenter” was “tekton”–a term which describes a person who is not only a craftsman, but a scholar, an architect, a construction engineer. A tekton would do more than work with wood; he would design houses and temples, hew the stone, cut the trees, cart them to the site, and build from his design. Emaciated figures from iconic representations were entirely inaccurate. A tekton would be pretty buff…for lack of a better term.

Keeping this in mind, I created a drawing that I hoped was as realistic as possible–feeling my inadequacies every step of the way. But I drew strong hands and muscular arms–a Savior needs to be strong. I tried to give Him a lean, intelligent face; and my Mom requested a bit of a smile, since the Lord of the Bible stories always had a sense of humor. Once I had the drawing as right as I could make it…

I erased it.

Sad part of graphic design, it wasn’t possible to translate the details of a pencil drawing into etched glass, so I simplified it as much as I could while still keeping the impression I hoped to capture. The drawing was full-size, four feet high. (Apologies for the scanned photographs–poor quality)

Here is the final result of the window:

At least they kept my design for the hands…Well, moving right along.

Some time later, when the design for the children’s window encountered some problems, the church asked me to do that one, also.

The extent of my stained glass design experience was drawing fan artwork based on Disney’s incredible designs for “Beauty and the Beast”; but I was up for the challenge. I undertook the research project into the window–and for us, this was pre-internet, so it was like the dark ages. Like…I had to read books and things.

I also studied every stained glass window I could lay eyes on. I studied the construction as well as the design–the placement of rebars, the capabilities of detail. I dove into my drawing head-first, figuring that what the company needed from me was a basic design. I thought to myself, their engineers will fix the rebars later. But of course, I still did my best to make them as close to accurate as possible, working from the designs of the other windows in the church, among other resources.

The window was to depict Jesus and the children; my parents had ideas on what they wanted, but left the rest up to me. I thought back to my childhood–how, during church services, I would spend most of my time staring at the beautiful colors of the windows, while the sermon blended into words in the background. I thought to myself, a child may not be listening to the message of salvation in the sermon; so let’s see if he can find it in the window. I put myself into my childhood, and tried to depict a picture of Jesus as the Bible describes. Not distant and iconic–warm, friendly, caring, strong. Someone a child would want to be close to.

Here is the final result–ten feet high, my large calling card:

Being a writer, I also wanted to tell a story in the window. The service, after all, lasts about an hour, and colors can only hold so much attention. So I put as many curious details into the design as I could, so a child could imagine a story about the scene. There are also different ages, so that any child can relate. One youngster is playing in the sand at Christ’s feet; the littlest one is safe in His arms, playing with His hair, as babies do. The teenager has his hand on the Lord’s shoulder; a younger boy is sitting nearby, listening; a young girl is giving Him a hug.

Shortly after I completed my design, I moved out of state. I never saw the completed windows until ten years later.

When I walked into the church and saw that towering window aglow with afternoon light, it was unreal. That was my drawing. I could see my hand in the style–I knew the way my fingers turned, made lines. I was looking at a representation of something very personal to me–my art. I wondered if that’s at all similar to having children–to look into another face and find signs of yourself. The window company had basically just photocopied my design–rebars and all. They used my lines to the exact detail, and it actually WORKED. It hadn’t collapsed. Oh, my. The edification…

Even though I had done my research, I wasn’t aware of the full capabilities of stained glass. So when I drew the faces, I made them very abstract, not realizing that details could be painted directly on the glass. The company used my drawing as an outline, and had one of their artists paint details into the features. This artist did an amazing job.

So that’s the story. My calling card. Thrilling in its inspiration to me. A bit too big for a business card holder, however…

This is something I’ve been hoping for, aiming towards, for most of my life. I had an epiphany at age 17, suddenly knew what I wanted to do with my career and life, and started working towards that. A few years (ahem, be polite, don’t run over to my About page) and several setbacks later, I had not progressed very far past those goals. Make that “visibly.” Between the ears and behind the eyes, the world was quite different. But looking at my life from the outside, at a casual glance, not much of that showed through.

For the majority of my young adult years, I lived most of my life inside my head, between my ears, and within a few walls. I was a homeschooled highschooler (personal choice). When I graduated, I was tested at a college level, so I chose to postpone college and dive into the dreams I couldn’t wait to dig at. I spent the next four years living at home with my family, attending business seminars, reading voraciously, and pursuing an advanced art education through studying others’ works and writings. In other words, I homeschooled myself through college, after all.

In the meantime, I was writing. Writing fiction novels and graphic novel scripts. I was drawing, drawing like crazy throughout my days. Doing character design for my graphic novel series, studying comic book publishers so I would know the one I wanted to plug it to. I had my sights set on the independents, because keeping my rights was important to me–I wasn’t writing for the present, I was building the foundation of a future. So I could wait a little, sacrificing present income opportunities in order to invest in a bigger future. For that “income,” I started my own Amway business and did freelance artwork, to tide me over while I wrote. How did that go? Well, let me just say I’m grateful my family let me live at home.

Some of my lack of success was caused by the fact that I was incredibly shy and introverted, trying to build a career in very extroverted fields. But I had that dream—I thrived on inspiration, and let it fuel me forward, even when the shyness made it almost painful to do so. As I look back now on the person I was then, I wonder if I could have made it work, despite my weaknesses? But at the time, I didn’t get the chance.

During my teens and early twenties, my family and I spent ten years as caregivers for my grandparents. My grandmother had dementia, and eventually forgot who we were. My grandfather died unexpectedly from a sudden onset of cancer. There were other hard situations we were overcoming as a family then, too. I learned many things, and grew a lot between the ears, behind the eyes, in those years—things that would never show up in my resume or bank account. They delayed my dreams. But they made me stronger, bolder. Partially because, once you’ve been hurt in certain ways, you stop being afraid of certain things. You lose some sense of self-preservation…you kind of don’t care what happens to you. So you get braver, and bolder.

I moved on with my family (my choice, turned down a graphic design job to do it). I looked at life as a new opportunity—I felt set free from the hurts of the past, and felt I could finally begin achieving my goals for the future. But anyone who thinks they can emerge from an emotionally abusive situation and hit the ground running is deluding themselves. It took a month-long bout with pneumonia and a dance with a nervous breakdown to teach me that.

And yet…I came away from those days, and emerged into a patch of brighter light. Suddenly I was free to return to my dream, and I did, with my whole heart. Back to the writing, back to the drawing. Back to the quibbling freelance work to bring in a bit of income while I lived with my patient family, too; but back to filling my days with creativity and excitement, and plans for a big future.

Enter carbon monoxide poisoning.

This was a setback that not only invaded its presence upon my goal plan, and delayed my dreams yet again; this monster literally stripped me of the ability to achieve my dreams. I forgot my stories. I lost my words. My hands forgot their skill and learned a new weakness, a new tremor that would forever mar my drawing. I was one year away from publishing a fiction novel and was beginning to draw the final draft of a graphic novel when I had to stop, and teach myself how to write and draw all over again.

Starting all over, yet again. When obstacles keep blocking your pathway, over and over, and you have to stop, and start, and stop again, you have a tendency to get tired. When you keep falling face-first into the mud, it gets very hard to see the way ahead. Dreams and faith and hope will carry you far, through many hard times…but Discouragement can be a towering monster. It can overshadow everything. When things get so very dark, the light seems to fade away, and you begin to feel that the darkness is all there is, all there ever will be anymore.

Yet the light is still there—the light of dreams, and hope, and faith. It’s just being obscured for the time being. Somehow, someway, you have to climb up out of the mire and walk past that beast of Discouragement. It’s the only way to see light again. Oh, it tries to walk with you, mark my words—does its very best to keep blocking the light. For me, I actually began doubting the dreams I had held for so many years. I began to doubt the worth of what was between my ears, behind my eyes. And that’s a tough situation, because that was all that I had left in me. Without the dreams? To my eyes, if the dreams weren’t real, then I was nothing.

Enter God.

Not that He wasn’t there the whole time. Until I stand before Him at the end of this life, I probably will not understand the whole meaning behind everything that is in my past. I see glimmers, I get a few things; but some of the “whys” escape me. Somehow I’ve managed to cling to faith through it all. But then again I wonder—is it really so hard to cling to One who is gripping you in an embrace that will never let you go? He’s been there with me the whole time. And now, just when I felt like I couldn’t pick my face up out of the mud one more time, and would lie there and drown in darkness…it’s as if He’s saying, “Let’s turn the lights on.”

I can’t explain it. I don’t understand it. Something has changed. Maybe it’s me. Yes, I’ve been working…imagine trying to scale a sheer mountainside by only using your fingernails. Yeah, that’s how I’ve been working the past couple years. So yes, I have all those years of work that must have been building to something. But they never led anywhere, to my thinking.

Until now. Something has changed. Something is different. Between my ears, behind my eyes, it’s been a long journey. It’s been…violating. It doesn’t feel like there’s much of anything left of me inside…just numbness, blankness, tears. Tears that flow easily at times. And fear…the inheritance of so many years of living life in the shadow. Fear that crouches and waits for the merest weakness to show within me…so that it can snatch my new life away from me. And fear upon fear, I am afraid that it has the power to do so.

But then I realize…there are arms around me. Strong, mighty, powerful arms. There is a vengeful love washing over me, shielding me, forgiving me the weaknesses that make me despise myself. Someone is holding me fiercely, saying the He is carrying me on through. Past the mire that threatens to envelop and smother me. Past the dark beast that wants to claim me. Carrying me forward to that beautiful light, which has been there waiting for me all along. He’s taking the emptiness between my ears, behind my eyes, and filling it with glorious things that I never dared to dream of, and can hardly comprehend. The dreams of my future.

And something is telling me that my future, at very long last, is here.

I’m sorry for the long blog post…but I think I’m moving forward on a new journey. And I must have needed to travel light.

~~~For instance, Art for 1000 Wells will press onward.  Several of the artists have expressed their intent to continue to donate a percentage from some of their art profits to Blood:Water Mission’s 1000 Wells project.  In this season of frantic holiday shopping, that is a true show of the Christmas spirit!  Even now, if you search TWBW (Thousand Wells Blood Water) on eBay.com, you will find an array of lovely artwork available for purchase.  You can still give the gift of original art to the ones you care about this Christmas, knowing that your gift will be giving twice. (And you’ll also find mousewords up there, as well!)

 ~~~What else will go on?  The work of Blood:Water Mission.  They will strive toward their goal of providing one thousand clean water projects to one thousand African communities.  And I know they will continue toward their ultimate goal: the defeat of AIDS in Africa.  Lofty purpose, but one step at a time can make a difference.  One dollar will provide one year of clean water for one African.  Clean water can mean the difference between life and death for anyone—and can enable health, education, and adulthood for a child.

~~~And another thing that will continue is the crisis in Africa.  The AIDS crisis is pandemic—that’s a buzzword, meaning it’s an epidemic of vast proportions.  Every positive contribution matters.  Put very simply, we can help improve a life somewhere in the world.  It doesn’t need to be a major undertaking.  Each person can help in simple, basic ways—like donating pocket change to Blood:Water Mission; doing gift shopping through Art for 1000 Wells; writing a blog about this cause; passing links on to friends and neighbors.  Basic actions, but they make a difference.  Buy a gift, make some noise—every little bit helps.

 ~~~And one more thing shall continue pressing on: me.  :)  In my third decade, muddied past my knees with some pretty obnoxious challenges I’ve needed to slog through.  Wondering at times if I’ve slogged through all this to get anywhere.  Carrying a chest full of unanswered desires and unfulfilled dreams…

 …as yet.

 But I know how to slog.  And I’m gonna keep on keeping on.  Watch this space…

…some very interesting things are about to happen.

 And thank you for keeping me company along the way. ;) 

Moments left!

After many weeks of preparation and ten days of stunning art and wonderful crafts on display, Art for 1000 Wells is ending shortly! Many great artists and artisans from all corners of the globe (well, a few of them, at least) have come together to participate, all with the common goal of raising funds to benefit Blood:Water Mission’s 1000 Wells Project. BWM’s quest to provide a thousand clean water projects to a thousand African communities—while working to fight the spread of the AIDS virus at the same time—is a noble humanitarian outreach, and is accomplishing great things.

With Art for 1000 Wells, artists, collectors, and holiday shoppers can help save lives in Africa!

And there’s still time left! Yes, Christmas Eve shoppers, I’m talking specifically to you. Trust me, I’ve done that run. Not many stores are open on Christmas Eve. Plus, wouldn’t you rather be sitting in front of the tree…with a nice hot cup of cider in your hand and someone you love under your arm…inwardly excited as you think about the gorgeous piece of original artwork that is sitting under the tree, wrapped in festive paper, awaiting the stunned and joyous response of its recipient…and feeling a warm glow of satisfaction knowing that you shopped wisely, and helped make someone else’s life better in the process…

Think about that. But…um…think quickly.

Ending TONIGHT! CLICK HERE!

Today is World AIDS Day.

Sounds overwhelming. The brain has a tendency to want to glaze over that…shun the thoughts it brings to mind. Sickness, suffering, death. It’s easy to pause for a moment, read the articles on the subject, look at the red web pages and red ribbons, feel sorrowful…then turn away.

33.2 million people live with HIV/AIDS worldwide. 22.5 million of them are in Africa. HIV/AIDS is currently the leading cause of death in Africa. We read that and think, “That’s really a shame.” But not knowing what we can do about it—other than feel bad and maybe say a prayer for the situation—we turn away, and move on with our lives. After a couple days, we won’t see it in the papers anymore, and it will be life as usual.

For us.

Yet in many areas of the world, mothers are living in fear that they will pass the AIDS virus on to their children. The resources that may protect them are often not readily available. And in places where AIDS is a real and present threat, something as simple as clean water can protect a child’s life…or save one.

So what does that mean for us on this side of the globe? Maybe we feel moved to do something—how can we help? One way is to keep doing what we normally do—but in a way that will make a difference.

For instance, Holiday Shopping. Have you finished your list yet? Who has?? As you do your gift shopping over the next few days, I encourage you to go to eBay.com and enter the keyword term TWBW in the search bar. TWBW stands for “Thousand Wells Blood Water,” and is the acronym of Art for 1000 Wells, an international group of artists and artisans who have come together to offer their original creations for sale on eBay—all with the purpose of raising funds for Blood:Water Mission’s 1000 Wells Project. The 1000 Wells project is building one thousand clean water solutions in one thousand African communities—they are saving lives, and actively fighting against the spread of the AIDS virus. I invite you to check out Blood:Water Mission’s website to learn more about this organization. If you would rather make a donation directly to the cause, you can do so on the website.

Art for 1000 Wells ends on the night of December 4th. There’s still time to give original art as a meaningful gift this holiday season. You can know that your gift will really be giving twice.

And you can also be encouraged in the thought that you didn’t turn away.

My nickname is “CB.” I always found it funny that I was born around the same year as the CB radio. Well, now I finally know why.

As if seeing me rattle on in the printed word wasn’t enough, now you can hear me on the radio! KLOVE will be airing a news bit with part of an interview with me sometime tomorrow (Friday Nov. 30), and will be making the rest of the interview available for download as a podcast from their website. This is me hyperventilating and trying to remember all I needed to say about the Art for 1000 Wells auction! :)

Here’s KLOVE’s website, broadcasts can be heard there:

KLOVE.com

And here’s the page for the podcast—Click under the one entitled “Art for 1000 Wells”:

Click here to listen

And here’s what it’s all about:

Art for 1000 Wells

Merry Christmas, all!

~CB

But can you tell I’m an artist??  Not from looking at my eBay auctions, that’s for sure!  I usually like to keep a supply of fresh, brand-new art live online—which is hard for me to do sometimes, when I’m dealing with a challenging bout of carbon monoxide side effects.  Multitasking abilities are severely compromised.

Some of that has an effect on what I’m doing now, and explains why I’m up at 2am doing business.  When I can work, I try to get everything done at once.  But another major reason is that I’m crazy-busy organizing the upcoming Art for 1000 Wells auction on eBay.  Awesomely exciting, and my heart is swelling with gratitude and admiration for the many wonderful artists and artisans who have come on board for this event!

But I haven’t had too much time for art the past couple days.  Last night, though, I had a window of opportunity when my computer clutched during my attempt to update MySpace in honor of the auction.  PC was down—so while it “thought” about itself for a minute, I grabbed my pastels.  I have to remind myself that I’m also participating in this auction event, so I need to paint something! The result of my sketchng time is not complete yet—but I have some work-in-progress pictures to share. Clicking the pictures will lead to a larger image.

Boy WIP (Work in Progress)

Original Pastel on Vellum Bristol paper, for the Art for 1000 Wells (TWBW) eBay auction Nov. 24-Dec. 4, 2007, by Christine Taylor (mousewords)

Step 1: While listening to Jars of Clay perform “Light Gives Heat,” I start with a loose sketch in blue pastel.

Step 2: While I don’t work from one particular photo, I study the faces of children for reference in bone and facial structure. Using the “rules” of anatomy, I make up my own person from there. Kind of like parenthood…sort of. :)

Noticing that the skin tone I want has warm undertones, I define my sketch using yellow pastel.

Step 3: The fun part! Adding features. I love soft drawing mediums such as pastel, because it’s similar to doing sculpture–you “sculpt” a face with your fingers. (You know, Athena sculpted a child from clay, and the child magically came to life and grew up to be Wonder Woman. Hey, this IS like parenthood!)

Notice the bit of red in the upper right–I’m beginning to explore colors to find the right skin tones.

Step 4: Skin tones aren’t brown and white and red. They’re really made up of colors like green and purple. Colors that would make you go to the doctor if you saw them in the mirror.

I begin layering color over my undertones. The shadows are purple, so I begin using that to “flesh out” this little guy’s features, so to speak. I save the eyes till nearly the last, to preserve the whiteness of the paper.

At this point, I’m looking at it and thinking that I love the light, sketchy touch to it. I’d really rather not use the heavier application that I intended at first. That means, however, that I’ll need a delicate touch to build up the skin color.

Step 5: Time to turn the lights on! At this point, my little one looks ike a zombie, so I take a brown pastel and dash a soul into his eyes. When I’m drawing eyes, I just look right into the subject’s face and meet his gaze, then intuitively let my hand draw what I would see if I were really eye-to-eye with him. I literally feel my heart pouring out onto the paper when I draw the expression in a person’s eyes. I feel that a spirit has so much to say.

Then I take my purple and let my fingers shape the contours of this child’s head and face. The purple blends with yellow, making different colors on its own; while the blue shows through on his chin, making me think of the reflection of light from the surface of water. I like that look, and plan to preserve it.

He’s not done yet–needs cleaning up in the balance of his features, and needs more of a touch in his hair and skin tones. But that’s for next time.

3am…time for some bed.